Communicating with confidence is very important. If you want to communicate clearly you need to pay attention to your voice, gestures, facial expressions and posture, as well as being aware of other people’s personal space. Albert Mehrabian, in his book Silent Messages, identified the following statistics for the way we communicate: 7% by words, 38% tonality of voice, 55% body language.
Voice
People make assumptions on your personality based on the tone of your voice.
- High-pitched voices are said to give the impression of nervousness or a lack of confidence
- People with low pitches sound confident, calm and competent
- Aim for a medium tone of voice. A soft tone tends to indicate shyness, nervousness or uncertainty. Too loud a voice is considered rude
- The speed of delivery also gives out different messages. Concentrate on a steady even pace, emphasize key words, avoiding awkward pauses. If you are giving a presentation, it is a good idea to vary your pace of speech every 20 minutes, in order to maintain interest
- Speaking slowly stresses the importance of the message and gives the listener time to contemplate what you are saying
- Speaking fast creates interest and demands attention, it means the listener has to listen carefully and eliminates the opportunity for their minds to wander
Gestures
If you know the people you are communicating with, be aware of their normal body language, before making assumptions, i.e. crossed arms do not always mean that someone is unapproachable if the person often sits like this.
Confident people tend to have open hand movements. Shrugging or shuffling is a sign of nervousness. Avoid agressive gestures such as finger pointing or fist thumping.
Posture
Good posture conveys self-confidence and competence.
- Sit upright and relaxed
- Slouching or hunching your shoulders shows a lack of confidence
- Leaning forward whether sitting or standing can denote aggression, but can be useful to gain attention at times!
Personal space
Touch conveys friendship, comfort, empathy or excitement. Only pat someone on the back or hug them if you know them well. If you have the slightest indication a person will misconstrue it, don’t do it.
Proximity depends on how well you know the person with whom you are communicating.
Intimate zones are 6” to 18” (15-46cm)
We allow close friends, lovers or children this close. If we are forced to share this zone with people we are not close to we avoid eye contact and touch.
If you are having a
confidential conversation that you do not want to be overhead, the normal distance is one to four feet (30cm-120cm).
Social distances are four to 12 feet (120cm – 365cm)
This is the distance we stand with strangers, clients or work colleagues.
Public distances are anything further than 12 feet (365cm).
If you are giving a presentation, speaking from the correct distance makes a difference in your control, authority and rapport. People who want to maintain authority step up to a podium. Speakers wanting to establish trust or an informal atmosphere tend to move away from desks or podiums and walk around.
Mannerisms
Don’t talk with a pen or chewing gum in you mouth. Doodling with a pen shows you are bored and distracted. Keep hands relaxed and visible. Avoid fiddling with mobile phones, jiggling keys, or drumming your fingers as this distracts from what you are saying.
Eye contact
Looking someone in the eye conveys interest in what they are saying. Looking down gives the impression of being unassertive. Avoid staring which is seen as confrontational.
Firm handshake
A tight grip suggests aggressiveness, a limp handshake indicates shyness or aloofness. A quick handshake tells others you don’t want to get involved. A longer handshake shows interest, but not too long and you signal more than business interest.