A description for transgender people who, after beginning their transition, do not readily tell others about their transgender history

As the LGBTQ+ Network Committee, we aim to provide an accepting, inclusive space, where all LGBTQ+ LKI workers feel comfortable to freely talk about their experiences and be themselves at their fullest.

Unfortunately, this is not always the case when it comes to members of the community in the workplace. According to Stonewall’s 2018 LGBT in Britain Work Report, over 35 per cent of LGBTQ+ staff are not out at work for fear of discrimination. We believe that these are stories that deserve to be heard and represented as they can provide us with insight on how we can make work environments safer for LGBTQ+ people

Toni Velikova (TV): Why did you make the decision not to come out at work?

Jay Sullivan (JS): I joined my current organisation over 10 years ago and had already been living as Jay for several years prior to this date. At the time, I felt no need to disclose my transgender history and there was no legal requirement for me to do so. Having obtained my Gender Recognition Certificate, my legal gender in all official documents was male and my birth certificate very clearly said Jay, too. Physically, I guess you could say I just looked like your average twenty-odd year-old male librarian with a very pronounced beard! Therefore, I decided to keep my identity private.

On reflection, that decision was deeply rooted in my past experiences, shame and a fear for my own safety. Awareness and acceptance of trans identities felt very different back then.

My journey and transition from childhood into my late teens was traumatic and it left me feeling like an outsider to everyone I met. I was bullied throughout my school years; afterwards, during my years at University, I suffered transphobic harassment and physical assault. Accessing medical treatment was a significant challenge too, as back then the medical care pathway was really difficult to navigate. I regularly faced implicit bias and that impacted me greatly.

Things have improved significantly since then but those influences and experiences definitely played a huge part in my decision to live stealth. Due to my past experiences, I had been led to fear for my own safety. Over the course of many years I’d developed a lot of coping mechanisms, such as shame-based self-criticism and avoidance. I suppose the honest truth is, I didn’t feel safe to share or be open. I was deeply ashamed of myself and that was very much a deciding factor in my decision, too. I decided to block out my past and took the opportunity the new job had given me to make a fresh start as “just Jay”.

In hindsight, I now know that, although this strategy of avoidance worked for me for many years, it came with several unintended consequences. It reinforced my feelings of shame; it worsened my fear and, most of all, it prevented true acceptance of my own identity.

TV: That sounds really tough, I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through that. I can imagine that others, who choose to live stealth, may recognise parts of themselves in your story. How does your decision impact the way you interact with fellow LGBTQ+ professionals, and the LGBTQ+ community as a whole?

JS: The choice to live stealth has had its advantages, but it has also been a real burden at times. LGBT History Month is a great example of this. While I am a member of the community, I haven’t always felt that I can engage in this celebration fully without risking my trans status being exposed.

There are many other difficulties related to not being out at work that perhaps not many people consider. As an LKI worker I’d faced difficulties in the workplace when I needed to take some time off to complete my final stages of gender reassignment surgery. The procedure was very lengthy and complex – my consultant described it as the surgical equivalent of climbing Everest – so clearly I needed a lot of time off. When I requested this, I discovered that my workplace had no trans-specific policy to refer to, so my absence from work was initially managed under sickness management targets. That did not sit well with me at all and it made me feel very worried. Librarianship is my vocation and I feared losing my career because of the absence of a comprehensive policy to protect me.

I realised then that there were several wider organisational barriers that needed to be broken. I felt I had a real sense of responsibility to challenge the organisation in order to help others in similar situations. Therefore, I decided to share my story with the HR director and lobbied for an institutional change to protect and support trans people during their transition. This took a few years to develop, but I’m happy to say that my employer now has a published trans policy.

I live in a state of constant internal battle. On the one hand, I’m an extremely cautious and private person, but on the other I’m very keen to ensure that the perspectives of those, who choose to live stealth, are heard and represented. I want to continue defending the right to equitable treatment for all and I believe my lived experience can drive a positive change in the profession and wider society. I’d like to do what I can to help others feel safe and proud of their identity.

I decided to get involved in the CILIP LGBTQ+ Network, because I wanted to use my lived experience to support the network’s mission and meet others in the profession who identify as LGBTQ+. One day, I came across the LGBTQ+ Network page whilst updating my CILIP profile. The network’s mission resonated with me, so I reached out via Twitter and joined the committee. It has been reassuring to be welcomed into such an understanding group – all the committee members have been extremely supportive and I feel that the network is a safe space, in which I’ve found real comfort.

TV: It makes me really happy to hear that, that’s exactly the kind of space we hope to create. It’s really inspiring that you have been able to so successfully lobby for policy change, too. Have you got any advice about institutions on how they can better support their LGBTQ+ employees, who choose not to come out at work?

JS: First of all, listen to and be led by them. The key is to understand why the individual doesn’t feel safe to be out in the first place. There may be several reasons why, and those reasons may be incredibly complex. Appreciate that it takes real courage to share personal histories and experiences. Understand and empathise with the fact that this process may take time. Remember, some people choose to live stealth and that is okay.

Secondly, make it safe. Provide an option to engage in a way that feels comfortable to the individual. This could be via email only, on condition of anonymity or under an alias.

Thirdly, make a real effort to develop a trans inclusive environment. Form a Diversity and Inclusion steering group. Ensure that workplace policies are fully compliant and be sure to consult with trans people in this process. Engage all staff in training and awareness sessions. The CILIP LGBTQ+ Network can support institutions with this process and signpost them to useful resources.

TV: That sounds like really useful advice, and definitely something the CILIP LGBTQ+ Network can offer support and resources for. And, finally – what would you like to say to others in your situation, who don’t feel safe to be out at work?

JS: Always do what feels comfortable or helpful to you – there is no right or wrong approach. If you ever find that you need support, please reach out to the network. I appreciate that can feel difficult if you live stealth, but I can provide reassurance that the committee do understand. We are here to listen to you and support you the best we can.

Resources

• ACAS – I found several resources for Gender Reassignment at work and tips for employers. The website has since been revamped and now directs to a page on discrimination in the workplace. I’d definitely suggest signposting to ACAS as I’m sure if contacted they’d be able to provide similar or archived resources.


• Stonewall have a fantastic suite of Trans Inclusive Policy toolkit.


• Unison have very recently updated their Equality Resources list. They also provided me with a model trans equality policy (which I used as a starting point in negotiations) leaflets on how to be a good ally to trans people at work, and factsheets on transgender workers rights, gender equality and non binary inclusion.


• I also shared this Gov.uk guide with my HR department. It was published back in 2015, but still a worthwhile read for anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation when requesting time of work for surgery. It’s very clear that absences should not be managed under Sickness Absence procedures or used for target setting. This one could really help.

Join the network if you are an LGBTQ+ LKI worker. It’s free to join and you don’t need to be a CILIP member.

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More information on our work is available at http://cilip.org.uk/lgbtq

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