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Starting with ourselves: Four player practices - learning to be skilful
Once we have started to understand which conversational actions we are making, we can consider how to take those actions most skilfully - for example, there is a big difference between a thoughtful and neutral 'Oppose' and just being argumentative!
According to David Kantor's theory of structural dynamics, you will have personal preferences which determine the behavioural stance you use most often when interacting with others. All conversation is comprised of these four different types
of actions. Strung together in conversation they form the sequences that capture the structure of every interaction, no matter how complex or distinct the subject matter.
The sections below will give you a brief reminder of the elements of the Four Player model.
A Mover initiates action by setting forth an idea, a statement or a proposed direction.
Movers often introduce a new idea or concept to the group and, in providing such direction, help their group move forward and find solutions to problems they face.
Followers may agree with an idea currently being debated or agree to carry others’ ideas to completion. Their support serves to strengthen others’ actions and to keep ideas on the table.
Opposers push back on ideas, sometimes to make sure they are worthy, and at other times because they genuinely disagree with another’s position or where the group is going.
Their dissent provides contrasting perspective and often needed correction to ensure the quality of the group’s decisions.
A Bystander observes, adds neutral perspectives, and bridges competing actions.
Bystanders are best at summing up what has been said and trying to find a solution based on disparate points of view. Their reflections help the group members by presenting new frames of reference, insights and observations.
Bringing dialogue skills into our conversational moves
William Isaacs, who we met earlier, has combined Kantor’s action moves with his own work on dialogue and has made links with some key skills of dialogue.
Voicing (mover)
Speaking the truth of one's own authority, what one really is and thinks.
Asks: What needs to be said?
Listening (follower)
Without resistance or imposition.
Asks: How does this feel?
Respecting (opposer)
Awareness of the integrity of another's position and the impossibility of fully understanding it.
Asks: How does this fit?
Suspending (bystander)
Suspension of assumptions, judgement, and certainty.
Asks: How does this work?
Isaacs summarises these ideas and gives a lot of case examples in his article, Dialogic Leadership, again on The Systems Thinker website.
The four practices
Speaking your true voice and encouraging others to do the same (rather than imposing)
Listening with compassion (rather than selectively)
Respecting the coherence of others’ (rather than dismissing)
Suspending your certainties (rather than assuming you see everything)
Skilful moving
In order to make a skilful ‘Move’, we need to:
Know when to give voice, and when to hold back
Have a clear purpose for our intervention
Trust our intuitions as well as our knowledge and expertise
Overcome our own ‘self censorship’.
Skilful opposing
n order to make a skilful ‘Oppose’, we need to:
Notice when and why we feel disturbed by an idea or statement
Balance the tension – not jumping in or holding back
Centre ourselves
Respect our differences – oppose the idea, not the person
Skilful following
In order to make a skilful ‘Follow’, we need to:
Listen with humility and attention
Be aware of (but not lost in) our own thoughts
Amplify what works in the idea
Offer suggestions and express dilemmas
Skilful bystanding
In order to make a skilful ‘Bystand’, we need to:
Suspend certainty
Notice themes, patterns and connections
Find good questions
Offer ‘re-frames’ when necessary
Individual reflection
Which conversational actions do you feel most familiar with? Think about a recent conversation where you were part of a group (not the leader of the meeting). What sort of actions did you take then?
Which conversational actions feel least familiar or most rare for you? How might learning to handle those actions better help your ability to be in dialogue?
Think about an action stance which you would like to develop or improve. Who do you know who is good at that conversational action (e.g. a respectful opposer or a facilitative bystander)? How might you learn from their conversational style? Make a
commitment to yourself to practice that style in the next group conversation you are in.
Introducing the Leading Libraries series. It covers the findings from the C21st Public Servant research, the origins of the four 'Leading for' capabilities and explains how to use the materials.
This set introduces you to resilience and why it is important for leaders. It covers emotional resilience; mental resilience; relationship resilience and social resilience.
It covers the key concepts of dialogue and why it is important for leaders, listening and inquiry skills, an introduction to 'conversational moves' and how to create a space for dialogue.
Emphasising the need for inclusive practice in our services and communities. It covers the foundations of inclusion, barriers to inclusion, power and privilege and allyship skills.
Building creativity and design skills for leaders. It covers the innovation cycle, diagnosis and perspective shifting skills, creative idea generation and safe-to-fail experimentation.
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