Leading Libraries Series: Leading for Dialogue
Holding a space for dialogue
Frames and boundaries: Frames
‘Framing’ is the process of intentionally 'setting the stage' for the conversation we want to have together. An effective frame sets the scope and desired outcome of a conversation and helps us all understand what the dialogue is for and where
we want to get to. We all benefit from a well-defined and agreed frame for our dialogue.
An effective dialogue frame has (at least) three elements. It:
- sets an agreed purpose for the conversation – the why
- says what we want to cover (and what is ‘outside scope)’ – the what
- outlines the desired outcomes for the conversation – the so what do we get?
We can start any conversation, dialogue or a meeting by clarifying and grounding ourselves with a reminder of:
- what is the task that we're here to achieve today?
- what does good look like?
- what's the shared outcome that we're all reaching towards?
We can also list anything we don’t want to cover – distractions to avoid or subject areas that are related but not in the main scope for today. Sometimes being explicit about what is not within the frame is especially helpful – particularly
when we have had a number of 'goes' at having this particular conversation.
If you would like some examples of good (and not so good) conversational frames, there is an easy-read article about framing (and reframing) conversations from Ashley Orme Nichols' excellent online book 'Making Conflict Suck Less'.
Pause for reflection
Make a list of conversations in your work (or your life!) which would benefit from a more dialogic approach. Think of subjects which would inspire you if you could make some space for 'collective thinking'. Also, think about conversations
you are currently avoiding because they feel difficult or contentious. Add those to the list too!
Review your list and pick the conversation that you have the most energy and motivation for right now. Let's imagine that you are talking to a colleague or a group about how you would frame that conversation. State an agreed purpose for the
conversation – the why. Say what you want to cover (and what is ‘outside scope)’ – the what. Outline the desired outcomes for the conversation – the so what do we get?
How would you go about making this potential dialogue a reality? Who would be involved? How could you engage them in the conversation?
(Hint: offer them your own framing for the conversation and then invite them to offer their own framing of what is important).
Boundaries
The idea of 'conversational boundaries' has become very popular in recent years. Used in this way, the word 'boundary' is a technical metaphor, originally used within psychotherapy and psychology to describe the ways in which we set limits
for ourselves and others in our interactions. We might have personal 'boundaries' about what we feel OK to discuss, behaviours that feel comfortable or uncomfortable for us or which define how we want to be treated by others.
‘Conversational boundaries’ are an extension of this idea. Frames describe the 'what' for the conversation – subject matter, intention, scope etc. Boundaries create an agreed set of principles about how we want to have the dialogue. Shared
and clear boundaries create a sense of safety and containment for the dialogue. Different boundaries are important to different people – we are unique in what makes us feel most comfortable and effective in a conversation.
Setting effective boundaries
Boundaries can be:
Practical
- Time
- Place
- Administrative
Interpersonal
- Confidentiality
- Privacy
- Managing distractions
- Group roles
- Defined 'qualities' for conversations
Social
- Organisational impact
- Recognition of cultural differences and preferences
For any given conversation or meeting, some boundaries will be relevant and others not. For example, if we are discussing joint holiday plans with friends, we may not need interpersonal rules but we might want to be really clear about how long we
have to make the decision and the practical process for comparing options.
If we are forming a new team at work to consider a sensitive topic (like bullying or inter-group difficulties), issues of confidentiality and the role of the group in the wider management structure need to be carefully set in advance.
New groups often like to set ‘ground rules’ for dialogue and it is always useful to create some space to hear from everyone about what helps them to feel comfortable in a complex or sensitive conversation.
When we begin a dialogue, especially when the subject matter or context is difficult, we can ask ourselves and others:
- is this a good enough 'space' to have the conversations we need to have here?
- is it contained enough?
- is it safe enough for us to be able to take risks with one another?
Some useful boundaries to consider
Practical
What are the time boundaries we're working to? How much time do we have for this specific conversation?
Where is it taking place? Is this room or meeting place appropriate for the kind of conversation we're having?
Interpersonal
What role am I in for this conversation (which might not be my usual role in this group)?
What roles are expected of other people here today? Do we know everyone who's in this conversation and what role they're in?
Are we having this conversation as peers and colleagues as members of a team, manager and direct report or as friends who work together?
Social
What are some of the political implications of the conversation we're having? Where might this conversation go?
Where does this type of conversation sit culturally in our organisation?
Does this kind of conversation feel familiar or unfamiliar to our day to day work? If it's unfamiliar, what new qualities or behaviours might we need to bring to this dialogue?
Pause for reflection
What are the boundaries that you need to feel safe enough in a conversation to move into deep dialogue? What are the things that need to be clear for you so that you can show up at your best?
If you are leading a conversation or 'holding a space', what are the boundaries that you hold for others? In what ways do you already create boundaries that make other people feel safe enough, or effective enough to be able to do their work?
If you are participating rather than leading a dialogue, in what way might you take responsibility for naming or requesting clarity around the boundaries that would make the conversation more effective?
How might you introduce a discussion about conversational boundaries with a group of people around you or a team that you work with, or a group of peers and colleagues?
Continue to: Qualities in conversation
Print Page
